


so goddamn dreary

by LesbianLucretia



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Immediate Aftermath, Physically Exhausted, Post-Episode: s06e19 I Am My Monster, Rest, emotionally drained, family times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:40:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23542498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LesbianLucretia/pseuds/LesbianLucretia
Summary: Steven and his family, in the aftermath.
Relationships: Steven Universe & Everyone
Comments: 10
Kudos: 91
Collections: Steven Universe Completed Recommended Reads





	so goddamn dreary

**Author's Note:**

> loosely based on my own experiences with the aftermaths of mental breakdowns, though a little lighter cus steven has a better fam than me lol

It’s viciously embarrassing to be so… exposed. 

Like a wound that’s been festering for so long because he didn’t want to make it anyone else’s problem. Now it’s opened up and the ugliness is there for everyone to see and shy away from the wretched, horrifying sight. 

They don’t-- which is the part that makes Steven feel like the floor’s been pulled out from under him. He’s spent so long convincing himself that if he kept this part of him tucked away like a chest under a tree, he’ll be okay and they’ll keep loving him and not have to bear witness to the rotting and blackened parts of himself, hidden carefully by a smile and a jacket.

But now the wound is throbbing in the open and with a single action they could end his life. They are seeing the ugly. They could reject him, they should reject him. They should be horrified and disgusted and push him away, refuse to treat it, refuse to even look at him because he’s a m--

He shakes his head, blinking heavily. His eyes sting from the steam billowing into them from the cup of mint tea on his lap. Someone is saying something. He thinks he should listen, probably, but he just keeps staring at his lap. Staring at his tea. It’s been steeping for too long, he should remove the bag. He doesn’t move. He keeps staring.

There’s two solid bodies pressed to both of his sides. It’s nice. It’s fine. He can’t seem to remember their names but it’s okay. They’re purple and brown and it feels nice to have the warmth on all sides. Someone is still saying something.

“Steven,” Someone else says his name. He moves his head to show that he’s listening. They don’t continue whatever they were going to say, probably because they can’t think of anything better to say than ‘Are you okay?’ because every single person in this room knows the answer to that.

Instead, he feels a hand press to the top of his head. It makes him look up, finally, and he feels something return to his chest when he meets Garnet’s eyes. He blinks rapidly, the mint steam stinging his eyes again and making them water. She moves the hand to press it against his cheek and he feels the hum and warmth of her gem against his skin and sighs softly as he leans in.

“How are you feeling?” Amethyst, now identifiable, asks from his left. He looks at her and sinks in disappointment when Garnet retracts her hand and moves back towards the dining table.

He doesn’t even attempt to open his mouth to speak-- he doesn’t have any words to say. He just looks at her and tilts his head down a little. She doesn’t smile at him but she does give him an understanding look. He lets his eyes fall shut and leans heavily against her, his sister, his Quartz bro. She lifts an arm for him to settle in more.

“I hope you aren’t using snuggle time as an excuse to get out of talking about everything that’s been going on.” Amethyst remarks playfully and he snorts into her hair. “Woah, hold the phone! Was that a laugh?” 

He shakes his head and attempts to hide further away. “Oh no, that was, wasn’t it? Don’t you know the rules, buddy?” She pokes his stomach through his blanket and it makes his shoulders shake in mirth. “It’s super serious time! No laughing! I mean it! No! Laughing!” She punctuates her words with pokes and he laughs harder, barely noticing Connie carefully pluck his mug away and leaving it on the floor.

She only tickles him for another minute before letting him breathe and lean even harder on her with a content smile. He’s aware that Pearl, Garnet, and Dad-- despite their serious conversation with Dr. Maheswaran on the phone-- are watching him in relief. Because if Steven’s laughing and smiling it must mean things aren’t so bad, right? Maybe the wound isn’t as infected?

His lightness and small smile fades at the thought and he cracks an eye open to look at them. Sure enough, they’re smiling at his giggle outburst and looking at each other in relief as Dr. Maheswaran explains something. He sighs again and hides in Amethyst’s quartz mane. She lets him, no more tickling required. 

Connie takes one hand and interlocks their fingers before laying another hand on top. She brings in up and presses a kiss to the back of his hand before laying it back down in her lap.

Steven wants to hide away from the world, right now, but he can’t. He knows he’ll have to say something sooner or later. Right now he’s just trying to make himself believe that they actually want to help him and actually want him to stick around instead of throwing him into space the second he brings up Jasper.

The thought of Jasper makes his entire chest ache in guilt. Like thick, sharp claws digging into his ribcage and trying to climb out from the inside. He tightens his grip in Connie’s hand and attempts to curl farther into Amethyst, as if he shrunk down far enough this would all go away. 

He curses the thought from his mind, begging and pleading with his brain to think of anything else than what’s happened in the past 48 hours-- fuck it, the past week. It’s making him want to throw up or throw himself out of the window and he wants to stop, he doesn’t want to, stop making him think of it, please.

“Okay,” Pearl starts saying, and Steven keys in on her instantly as a distraction. He opens his eyes to look at her. “Priyanka has given us the necessary resources to make sure we can get you the professional care you need.”

He sighs. He doesn’t want to do anything. He just wants to lay here and distract himself from everyone’s intense worry and try not to be mad when they inevitably start treating him like glass and hiding pill bottles from him and--

“But,” Garnet interrupts his spiraling.

“But,” Pearl nods. “Right now, we’re going to let you rest.”

He blinks at her and sits up a little. He turns to look at his Dad, who can read his surprise easily.

“You aren’t in danger right now, buddy.” His Dad tells him, walking up to him and kneeling down. “Right now, all you have to worry about is getting some sleep. You just went through a lot of stress. The poking and prodding can come later, okay?”

Steven lets his dad kiss him on the forehead and he nods. Sleep does sound good. Sleep sounds really good. He leans back and stretches out his sore legs and adjusts his position on the couch until he’s got his head in Amethyst’s lap and his legs stretched out onto Connie’s and the blanket tucked into his sides.

He feels himself sink into sleep the second he’s properly laying down and closing his eyes and he panics for just a second before looking up and seeing Pearl and Garnet talking quietly in the kitchen, out of his range of hearing. Garnet looks up at him-- she hasn’t put her visor back on since the Diamonds left-- and smiles at his worried look.

“We’ll join you in a second, cutiepie.” She tells him, and Pearl waves at him. “Don’t worry. We’re right here.”   


The need for assurance makes him feel like a little kid, as does the nickname, but it makes him feel better all the same. He takes a deep breath and lets his eyes close again.


End file.
